Unfiltered Mommy

The one thing that really sticks out in my mind as something that I really, truly did not know about German culture before we moved here, was how oxymoronic the social norms are here. If you think you know something about a culture just because you have a friend, cousin, or husband, or whatever from that culture, let me tell you, you have no clue unless you yourself have personally lived there. And I’m not talking about being an exchange student here, I mean really lived there as in carrying out everyday tasks like grocery shopping, working and jumping through all the necessary legal hoops to become integrated into the culture. It has been a huge eye-opener to say the least. Not only about my own life and experience in American culture, but also getting the full experience of German culture.

1. Order, cleanliness, and… DOG POOP! So Germans are known for being orderly and having strict governmental regulations, laws and structure right? They also have a reputation for being clean, respecting the Earth, being eco-conscious etc. So after almost a year of living in a house that backs up to a large working farm, which doubles as a favorite place to let your dog run off leash and, ah hem, do it’s business, I  am shocked to see that hardly any one picks up their dog shit! Let’s say for example last week, I walked our dog behind the house. There were 4 other people there with a total of 9 other dogs. I was the only one who picked up after my dog. It is disgusting. Right by the field there is a container that always has free poop bags and a garbage can to put the filled bags in. So it is not a matter of not having a bag. They are provided. The girls and I have to watch out for poop every where. And it is not just here in the field. It’s all over the sidewalks, in parks adjacent to playgrounds. I mean c’mon people, really? Oh your dog just took a huge shit on the sidewalk, no worries. The other day I returned home from running errands, opened my car door IN MY DRIVEWAY, and luckily for me, I looked before I got out because, yup, you guessed it, there was a pile of shit right there in my driveway. SERIOUSLY? WTF?
2. Structure and Punctuality. Oh my God, this has got to be one of the worst. I am not super punctual but I do like to be on time. I feel like with two young kids, it is almost impossible to be places bang on time or early. I mean, stuff happens when you are trying to get out the door. But here if you are on time, you are late. If they say they are meeting at 9am to go somewhere and you show up at 9am, they are gone. So apparently 9am, means 10 till 9 or so. I guess it is good, they are training kids from a early age to be on time but for me it causes a lot of unnecessary stress. Sometimes the bus ever comes early. So you think, ok I have to be there at 9:48, you arrive at 9:47, the bus never comes. Why? Because it came at 9:46 and you were not there! Arghhh! One of the most important government appointments we have had was scheduled for say 9am. They said “Don’t be late. If you’re late, then you have to reschedule.” We arrived early, like 8:45, checked in and sat in the waiting room. Waiting, waiting. 9am came and went, the number on our check in slip never popped up on the screen. Waiting, waiting. Our Relocation Specialist asked what was going on. They said  “Oh, you must have missed it. Your meeting was at 9am.” To which she replied, “No we did not miss it. We have been here waiting since 8:45”. You see, if anything ever goes wrong here, it’s never their fault, It’s is aways yours. There is a huge lack of culpability here, which is extremely infuriating coming from the land where the “customer is always right” but that is a topic for another day.
3. Illusion of relaxation. One of the favorite German pastimes is walking or hiking in the woods. It appears that they are relaxed but in everyday activities like driving and shopping, everyone seems so pissed off and so hurried. I constantly feel like I am in someone’s way. They stand over you breathing down your neck while you ponder which box of tea to buy or try to make sense of the ingredients in the deodorant you are trying for the first time. Checking out at the grocery store or drug store is so stressful. Not only are they breathing down your neck because you are buying too much stuff, you also have to pack your own groceries and you aren’t doing it fast enough. There is no helpful young teenager there to assist you. You have to place the items back in your cart and then pack them into your own reusable grocery bags once you get to your car (yes it is a total waste of time) or scramble to get them into bags as they fly down the conveyer belt, hoping that the little foil lids on your yogurt or the packages of soup mix don’t get punctured before you get home because you don’t have a chance to lovingly pack them in a way that keeps them safe. At the beginning of my time here, when I had a 3 year old and 1 year old in the grocery store with me, I would have panic attacks at the checkout. I dreaded going grocery shopping. I still do but I am woking on my bitchiest RBF to scowl back at them as I carefully repack my cart with my paid groceries and then take another 10 minutes to put them in the bags in the trunk of my car.