Unfiltered Mommy

An honest view of parenting in today's world

She didn’t “let herself go”

on March 8, 2014

We’ve all heard it. The disappointed statement of a young male, usually childless and more often than not, unwed, who feels let down that a woman who has children or has gotten married has “let herself go”. Because we all want to be depressed, frumpy and overweight by the time we hit middle age right? This statement is one of my biggest pet peeves. When I hear it I cringe! But it wasn’t until having my youngest child 3 months ago that I realized why.

When I was on maternity leave with my oldest, I was a mess. I was lucky if I got to brush my teeth before 2pm. I showered every 3 days or so and barely had time to use the bathroom. Having freshly shaved my legs was a distant memory. These things seem much easier now, but having multiple young children has a whole new set of challenges. This week my husband is out-of-town on business so I asked my parents to come and help out for a few days. I scheduled a day of beauty for myself. I got a mani/pedi, eyebrow wax and a haircut. It was a little slice of heaven, and I am truly grateful. Yes, I said grateful. Grateful that I could get 3 hours away from home to get some much-needed TLC. You see, I haven’t had my haircut in over 3 months, and the last time I got my eyebrows done on the fly at some random salon, I felt like I flushed $20 down the toilet because you couldn’t even tell that had been done afterward. This little slice of heaven will have to hold me over until I get the next opportunity to be childless, which will likely be in another 3 months or so. I sat down and thought about this the other day and figured that I get a day of beauty once a season. This was my Spring Makeover. I am guessing that I will have to wait until June for the next one.

So, one could look at me at the end of May and say that I’ve “let myself go”. Sure, my eyebrows will look like caterpillars, my hair will be stringy and I will have tons of split ends. My toenails will be jagged and my hangnails will be out of control, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t long for a day away from my regularly scheduled program to focus on myself and improve my mental health and outer appearance. It’s just that without the proper support, doing something without one or two children in tow is quite difficult. You see, we don’t have any local family or a regular childcare provider. Paying for drop-in care at child care or paying for a babysitter nearly doubles the cost of these services.

Next time I hear this phrase come out of someone’s mouth, I may try to help them understand how ignorant they sound. Or, maybe I’ll ask them to come and watch the kids so I can go to the salon so they won’t have to look at an unkempt version of who I used to be.  I wonder how well that would go over…

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