Unfiltered Mommy

An honest view of parenting in today's world

Becoming a mother

on May 10, 2014

I have always loved children. From the time I was very young I was fascinated by other children and I knew that someday I would be a mother no matter what it took. Both my mother and my maternal grandmother had their first child when they were 28 years old so naturally I set this as a target age for myself to become a mother as well. My parents always told me that I should be married before having kids, to ensure that my husband and I had time to get to know each other and to make sure we were both “ready”. I remember my mother telling me that being married and living together had its own challenges that should be discovered before bringing kids into the mix. Sound advice from a veteran mother.

So around the age of 26, I started talking to my husband about my expectation of having a child by the age of 28. This wasn’t the first time we had discussed having a family, but I wanted to give him enough lead time so he wouldn’t feel pressured or shocked when I “all of a sudden” wanted to get pregnant.

When the time came, and I stopped taking birth control, I had been on the pill for 12 years. I had done quite a bit of research and I knew that it could take my body a few months to be able to conceive, but what I didn’t know was that this was just the beginning of a very long and very emotional journey.

After trying to conceive for a year, we decided to see an infertility doctor. I was only 29, so I was somewhat surprised that we were so much having trouble. We got all the testing done and everything came back normal. They diagnosed us as having “unexplained infertility” and likely having Anovulation. The next step was to try Clomid and trigger injections to help my body produce and release eggs. We did three rounds of Clomid and still no baby. When they told us that the next step was Intrauterine Insemination, we decided that since we were still young, we didn’t feel that it was necessary to use this method quite yet. We decided to take a year off from actively “trying”.

But the psychologist in me started to examine other reasons why it wasn’t working. Was it a mental block? An incertitude about our future. After all, we were in a state of flux. I was embarking on my new career as a medical social worker and my husband was climbing the corporate ladder. We were considering relocating to further my husband’s careers in a six month period, we must’ve researched at least 5 or 6 potential new locations before we settled on San Diego.

Six weeks after moving here, we found out I was pregnant. We were finally going to have a baby! We were so excited we couldn’t wait to tell our parents. A week or so later, we learned that I was having a miscarriage. To say that I was devastated is an understatement. This is one of the lowest lows I have experienced in my lifetime. I was thrust into a deep depression that rendered me bedridden for days. After the storm had passed, I was able to see the silver lining. The fact that I could get pregnant naturally was reassuring.

By this point in the journey,I had read pretty much every book about infertility at my local library and the thing they had in common was that they all recommended acupuncture. I found a practitioner nearby who accepted my insurance and made an appointment. I scheduled weekly visits and took the herbs she prescribed for my diagnosis of Spleen Chi deficiency, and six weeks after my initial treatment, I was pregnant again. This time I carried to term and our beautiful first daughter was born.

I have openly shared our struggle with infertility with others over the years and I have met so many others who have had similar experiences . It seems to be an unexplained epidemic in our generation. If so many of us Gen Xers are having this much trouble, I fear what my own daughters will encounter as they begin down this path.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: